Moving to assisted living as a couple presents unique considerations. You want to stay together, but you may have different care needs. This guide addresses the questions couples face when exploring senior living options in Douglas County.
Staying Together: Your Options
When Both Spouses Have Similar Needs
If both of you need similar levels of care, the path is straightforward:
- Shared apartment: You'll share a studio, one-bedroom, or sometimes two-bedroom unit
- Individual care plans: Each spouse receives personalized care, even in a shared space
- Cost savings: Sharing is typically 25-40% cheaper than two separate apartments
- Combined activities: Participate in activities together or separately as you prefer
When Care Needs Differ Significantly
When one spouse needs more care than the other—or one needs memory care—you have several options:
- Same community, same room: Some communities allow couples to stay together even with different care levels, providing individualized care to each
- Same community, different neighborhoods: If one spouse needs memory care, they may live in the secured memory care wing while the other lives in assisted living. You can visit daily.
- Graduated care in advance: Move together before needs diverge significantly, establishing a home together while you can still share the same space
Key Questions to Ask Communities
- Can we share a room if we have different care levels?
- If one of us needs memory care, can we still live together?
- If we must be in different "neighborhoods," how often can we see each other?
- What happens to our shared apartment if one spouse moves to a higher care level?
- If one spouse passes away, can the survivor stay in the same apartment?
- Do you have a companion care program for couples with different needs?
Costs for Couples
Couples typically pay less than the cost of two individuals living separately:
Douglas County Couples Pricing
| Scenario | Monthly Cost |
|---|---|
| Single person assisted living | $4,500-$6,500 |
| Couple sharing room (base + second person fee) | $5,500-$8,000 |
| Couple with different care levels (same room) | $6,000-$9,500 |
| One in assisted living, one in memory care (separate) | $10,500-$15,000 |
Second person fees range from $500-$1,500/month depending on the community. Care costs are assessed individually for each spouse.
Financial Planning for Couples
- Combined income: Social Security, pensions, and retirement withdrawals can be pooled
- Long-term care insurance: If both have policies, benefits can cover a significant portion (see our LTC guide)
- VA benefits: If one or both are veterans, Aid & Attendance can provide up to $2,727/month (see our VA guide)
- Home equity: Selling the family home often provides significant funds
- Spousal protection: Medicaid has spousal impoverishment rules that protect the at-home spouse's assets
Learn more: Complete Guide to Paying for Assisted Living
When One Spouse Doesn't Want to Move
It's common for one spouse to recognize the need for help before the other. The spouse who's been providing care may be exhausted, while the spouse receiving care may not realize how much support they need—or may be in denial.
Strategies That Help
- Involve them in the process: Tour communities together. Let them see that it's not a "nursing home"
- Focus on benefits: Emphasize reduced burden (no cooking, cleaning, home maintenance), social opportunities, activities
- Try a respite stay: A 1-2 week "trial" lets them experience the community without commitment (see our respite guide)
- Address fears: Loss of independence, leaving home, "giving up"—acknowledge these feelings
- Involve the doctor: Sometimes a physician's recommendation carries more weight
- Connect with other couples: Ask communities to introduce you to couples already living there
What Couples Often Discover
Many couples who were initially reluctant find that assisted living actually improves their relationship. Without the stress of caregiving, home maintenance, and meal preparation, they can focus on enjoying time together. The spouse who was providing care gets relief from burnout, and the spouse receiving care gets professional support without relying solely on their partner.
When One Spouse Has Dementia
When one spouse develops Alzheimer's or dementia, the situation becomes more complex. The healthy spouse often becomes a full-time caregiver, leading to exhaustion and sometimes their own health decline.
Options for Couples with Cognitive Decline
- Early-stage dementia: May be able to share a room in assisted living with memory support services
- Moderate dementia: May need the secured memory care environment, but spouse can visit anytime
- Same community: Many communities have both assisted living and memory care, keeping couples close
- Spouse involvement: Healthy spouse can help with care, eat meals together, participate in activities
Learn more: Memory Care vs. Assisted Living Guide
Making the Move Together
What to Bring
- Furniture: Your own bed (queen fits most rooms), favorite chairs, small dresser or nightstand
- Personal items: Photos, artwork, meaningful objects that make it feel like home
- Practical items: TV, comfortable bedding, favorite linens and towels
- Downsizing: Studio or one-bedroom apartments are smaller than houses—choose what matters most
Adjusting Together
- Give yourselves time—adjustment typically takes 3-6 months
- Maintain routines that are important to you as a couple
- Participate in activities together AND separately—it's healthy to have individual interests
- Communicate with staff about your preferences and concerns
- Stay connected with family and friends from outside the community
More tips: Complete Moving Guide
Douglas County Communities for Couples
Look for communities that specifically mention couples accommodations, have multiple levels of care (so you can stay together if needs change), and have large enough apartments for two.
Related Resources
Need Help Finding Communities for Couples?
We can help you find Douglas County communities that accommodate couples—including those with different care needs. Free, personalized guidance.
Call 720-819-5667 for Free Consultation